They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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