Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
