And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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