we're blogging at a bar
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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