I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize