I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
