and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
