Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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