It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
