Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I love you. Go after that dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
