Is it normal to miss your booty call?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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