I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
