Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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