I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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