Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
