Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
