That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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