Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
