She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
