thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
