you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
