We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
