listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
