I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
