Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
