I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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