i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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