even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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