i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
