Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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