he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
