Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
