I wish life had little blips of pornography
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
