i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize