If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
