one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
