the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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