so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize