I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
