I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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