After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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