she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
