I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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