those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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