i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Let's paint friendship bongs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
