I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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