you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A+ Viking dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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