Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
