How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
