Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
