I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
