If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
