I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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