That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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