omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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