Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
