yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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