Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
