I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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