the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
