I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
