Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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