All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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