You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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