like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
