You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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