Someone shit on the floor
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
