your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
