I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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