i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
