why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
