My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
