She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize