no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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