I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
