Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
