I haven't been this sober since birth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
