Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
