Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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