I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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