first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
