he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
