so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
